Stay
by norrific
Summary: They'd get through this.  The upcoming separation was only temporary.  He wouldn't lose them.


**I disclaim. I own nothing.**

**AN: This is just a short one-shot. Picks up right where Jax and Tara's scene ends in _Family Recipe_**

It was the sound of their sons' cries-first Abel, then Thomas-that finally broke them apart, was probably the only thing that could tear them apart. Jax stood from the table first, keeping one of Tara's hands locked in his, not ready to let her go. Not yet.

"Mommy!" Abel was practically screaming. Jax could hear the fear in his son's voice and it twisted something painful in him. "Mommy! Mommy!"

Tara moved quickly. "Can you check on Thomas? Abel probably woke him up, he should settle down faster."

Sitting at the table with Tara as she explained how she had to keep their boys safe, there had been tears in his eyes, making his voice thick. Picking Thomas up out of his crib there was nothing Jax could do to stop the tears from spilling from his eyes. Actually it was all he could do to keep from clutching his baby boy tightly to his chest and breaking down in sobs.

He just got them back. Had only been allowed to freely hold and see and touch and kiss his family for two weeks. Two weeks. And now he had to let them go again. _Had_ to, if he wanted to continue to have them it was the only way. But fuck if it wasn't worse than when he was on the inside. Being locked away from them was one thing. But being on the outside and still not allowed to really have them, was so much worse.

Jax just didn't know how JT could do it, could bail on his family, on his kids the way he had. This was killing him. They weren't leaving for another day but already it was killing Jax to let them go. Killed him to admit that he couldn't protect them in Charming. What the fuck good was it to be the Prince when he couldn't keep his family safe.

Tara was protecting the boys, doing what needed to be done for them, while Jax's hands were tied. Because in a way, he was still in prison. But instead of being stuck behind bars he was trapped between two rival Cartels. And he wasn't hauled away, he walked arrogantly into it. He'd done this. All he wanted was what was best for his family and all he managed to do was put them in the crosshairs of a drug cartel.

He could hear Tara, speaking softly in Abel's room. The kid's cries having quieted down almost immediately. Thomas was quiet as well, had never been fully awake. Looking down at his son he was hit all over again with wonder. Abel was all him, almost as if Jax had created the kid from his own image. But Thomas…Thomas was him _and_ Tara. Maybe more Tara, but Jax could see bits of himself. But it got him. He loved it, loved that anyone could look at Thomas and know it was child he made with Tara. Just as he loved the fact that Abel was always coloring or drawing, something he picked up from Tara. Abel may look like him, but he acted so much like Tara no one would be able to guess she hadn't given birth to him.

Kids had never been at the forefront of his mind. When he and Tara were seventeen, she had a pregnancy scare. Shit, scare didn't even seem to cover the utter fright Jax had felt. He hadn't been ready for a kid, sure as shit hadn't been ready to share Tara. But years later, when she left, he regretted that she hadn't been pregnant. It was a small petty thing he'd never admit to her or anyone else. But he thought if she'd been pregnant there would have been no way she'd have ever been able to leave him.

When Wendy got pregnant, Jax had again thought of Tara. Well, no, that wasn't entirely true. He'd always been thinking of Tara, had not been able to force himself to stop. When Wendy got pregnant he thought of Tara's pregnancy scare. And felt guilty as shit for looking at Wendy pregnant with his child and wishing to God she had been someone else. Wishing she had been Tara.

In the end, even though it had taken ten years, Tara was still the mother of his children. He had the family with her he hadn't even been aware of wanting or needing until she came back into his life. Jax wasn't a man who believed in fate and destiny, didn't even know if he particularly believed in God. But everything he and Tara had been through, lead him to believe that they belonged together. They survived so much and he was so close to having everything that mattered to him. He couldn't lose them now. What would he have to live for if he lost them now.

Reluctantly Jax laid Thomas back in the crib, wanted to spend the night holding his baby boy in his arms. But Thomas needed to sleep and Jax needed to see Abel. Needed to look at his first born and remind himself of what it felt like to lose him. To hold that feeling close, so he could make sure to never feel that way again. It was that feeling that pushed him. There was nothing in this world he wasn't willing to do to keep his family from ever suffering that way again. Moving quietly, Jax took the few steps to Abel's room. Tara was in the bed with him, propped up in a way so that her back was against the headboard. Abel was curled against her side, his small blonde head resting against her chest.

"Sleep in Mommy's room." Abel mumbled softly.

Jax could see that Abel was sleepy, his eyes barely open and his head snapping up whenever it started to droop.

"Not tonight, baby."

"I'm scared."

Tara's eyes closed against that and Jax felt his son's words physically. He tried to reason that Abel's fears were the same as other children his age. That he was just imagining monsters under the bed. But the truth was, there really were scary things surrounding his son's life, even if Abel was too young to understand didn't make it any less true.

"You don't have to be scared, I'm right here."

"Stay with me."

"Always, baby. I promise." Tara kissed the top of Abel's head before pressing her cheek there. She started to hum softly as Abel entwined their fingers together.

"Mommy sing."

Jax's brow creased at Abel's request. Not in surprise, not really. He knew Tara could sing. She had a habit of humming or singing softly when she thought no one was around to hear. Shit, she use to sing all the time when they were kids, softly in his ear as they laid in bed together or loudly, drunkenly, from the back of his bike. But she hadn't let hersefl go that way since she returned to Charming. If there was one thing he hated about the woman she made herself into, it was that she didn't sing. Or at least he thought she didn't.

"_Baby mine, don't you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine._"

There was no way to keep the smile off his face. Stepping into the room, stopping just inside the doorway, Jax rested his head back against the wall. And much like his son, allowed Tara's voice to wash over him.

"_From your head to your toes, you're so sweet goodness knows. You are so precious to me, cute as can be, baby of mine._"

"You know, there was a time you use to sing to me like that."

Sure that Abel was fast asleep, Tara settled him down into the bed. "Jealous?"

"Maybe a little." Pushing himself off the wall, Jax walked over to Abel's bed. Leaning over he pressed his lips to his son's head and for a moment just inhaled. He loved the way his kids smelled. It was probably something he'd never admit, although he'd seen Tara giving him a look once or twice so he thought maybe she knew, but he thought maybe he could wallow in it. He'd never known anything like the smell of his boys. It wasn't just the soft powdery scent of the baby products Tara used, it was the fact that he could smell _her_ on them. It was one of the most incredible things in the world.

"What was the song you were singing?" Jax asked as they made the short trip to their bedroom.

"_Baby Mine_, from Dumbo."

Jax gave her a blank look. It's not that he didn't know what Dumbo was, because he did. It was just that he'd never seen it. "Abel likes it?"

"Abel has never made it through the whole movie." Tara explained as she began to strip out of her clothes. "I'm actually kind of glad he hasn't. That movie is depressing as hell. But he likes the song." There was a soft, wistful smile on her lips. "Sometimes he even sings it to Thomas."

For a moment Jax could only stand where he was and watch her. She wasn't at all the same woman who, only moments ago, told him she had to leave. She was lighter, happier. And he realized the boys did that. They made her happy. Just talking about them made her smile. He wanted to be part of that, to be what made her happy.

Something not unlike dread, mixed with a bit of panic, filled him. He'd only been home two weeks. And in that time he'd been so focused, so dead set on doing what needed to be done, he kind of lost them. Telling himself that once he was free of the club, once he got them out of Charming things would change. But things had changed on him first.

When he thought he was doing what was necessary, the nights he spent away from home didn't seem like such a big deal. Seemed small in the grand scheme of things. But now they were going away from him. And in all honesty he didn't know when it would be safe enough for them to come back. If something else went wrong, he didn't think he could blame Tara if she decided _not_ to come back.

It was just that this time, he swore to himself, that if Tara didn't come back, he'd go after her. But would it be too late? Faced with not having them anymore, the past two weeks seemed like no time at all. The handful of hours he spent with them, that meant everything to him, would be forgotten by the boys eventually.

He allowed Tara to walk out of his life once before, but circumstance brought her back to him. He pushed her away, but his dickish behavior was forgiven because she'd been kidnapped and pregnant. He gave up on Abel when he was born, wrote his son off as a loss. Gave him away in Ireland. Both times it was his mother who literally slapped some sense into him. Could he get them back a third time? Or would this be the time he lost them for good.

That something that filled him before began to course, painfully hot, through his veins. Had his feet moving before he fully realized giving them the order. Tara had stripped down to just her bra, was just pulling a pair of his boxers up over her naked hips when he grabbed her arm and pulled her hard against his chest.

"Jax, what-"

The words were lost against his mouth as he pressed his lips hard against hers. His hands went to her hair, though ever since he was sixteen he seemed incapable of touching her without touching her hair. He waited to feel her hands on his hips or on his face. Waited for her head to tilt back as she offered her mouth to him. There were beats to their kisses, he knew the movements the steps as well as he knew anything else. It wasn't old, didn't think it would ever get old as his heart always beat in anticipation knowing what was to come.

"Tara," Her name was a growl in his throat. "I love you."

"I know," She pulled back, peppering his lips with kisses, soothing the sharper edge of his desperation.

Keeping one hand in her hair, he wrapped his arm around her waist, lifting her up to carry her the short distance to the bed. "I love you so much." His mouth was at her neck. His hand left her hair just long enough to grasp her bra and give it a tug to break the snap.

"Jax. Jax. Jax, wait." Tara took a step out of his arms, at least she tried to. But Jax continued to hold her close. "Slow down, baby. I'm right here."

Only for another day, his mind supplied.

"Come here," Tara spun them around before giving him a shove onto the bed. She began to undress him slowly, pushing his cut off his shoulders and tossing it away. Gripping the hem of his sweatshirt and pulling it over his head.

Jax tried to reach for her again, pull her down on top of him, but she backed away. When she went to her knees, his stomach tightened. His hand went back to her hair, tried to pull her to him that way, but his fingers only ended up tangling in the thick strands of her hair as she sat back to work off his shoes, then his socks.

When she came up on her knees again, Jax didn't give her a chance to escape. Fisting his hands in her hair, he held her steady as he once again leaned in to take her mouth. He was desperate, his tongue driving deep into her mouth, lips hard and demanding. And she did surrender this time, head falling back as she made a soft whimpering sound in her throat.

He thought he won, was sure he was going to have her the way he wanted, but that's when Tara changed the tempo. She pulled back just enough to allow him to see her eyes, her lips rubbing against his as if she were imprinting her taste on him. He wanted to tell her it was unnecessary. He'd didn't forget her taste ten years ago and he wouldn't forget it now. It was locked away somewhere so deep inside of him it became a part of him, something he could close his eyes and draw on when he was missing her.

"Let me." She whispered as her hands slowly began to work open his jeans.

Jax's head nearly dropped back in pleasure as she worked her mouth down neck, over his shoulders, and across his chest. When her mouth continued lower, his eyes shot to the mirror, catching their reflections-marvelling the contrast in their skin. The contrasts in them. The biker and the doctor. It shouldn't make sense, but it did. Actually it was the only thing in the world that made sense to him.

"Lift up, baby."

Her voice cut through the fog in his brain, his eyes slowly dropping down to meet hers. She had her hands gripped in the waist band of his jeans and boxers. Bracing his hands on the bed, he pushed himself up enough to allow her to pull the rest of his clothes off. Starting at his hip, she trailed kisses down his left thigh all the way to his knee then moving over to his right knee worked her way up.

When her mouth closed over him, his eyes all but rolled back in pleasure. His hands gripped at her hair and he had to remind himself not to pull to tightly. But his hands were unsteady as he tried to gather her hair back off her face so he could see her, watch as her lips moved over him.

"Fuck, Tara."

She made an answering sound in the back of her throat that had him fighting against the urge to thrust into her mouth. She must of realized because she pulled back slowly, taking him in her hand even as she rose to her feet. Because his hands were still in her head he was able to pull her mouth down to his, tongue pushing pass her lips to tangle with her own. Practically growling when he tasted himself in her mouth. She still had his cock in her hand, stroking from base to tip in an excruciating rhythm.

Not able to stand it a moment longer, Jax all but flung her onto the bed. Covering her body with his own, he removed the tattered remains of her bra. He wanted to tell her how much he needed her, how she was everything to him, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words. Because it would feel too much like a goodbye, like this was their last time. And there was no way in hell he would let that happen.

So he took his time. His mouth moving over her randomly, kissing, licking, or biting whenever the urge hit. There'd be marks on her in the morning, she'd see them and roll her eyes at him. If he wasn't careful and left teeth marks on her neck she'd be pissed. But he wouldn't be sorry. Skin as soft and pale as hers, he'd have to be a saint not to leave a mark. And he'd never been a saint.

By the time he had the boxers she wore hanging off her right ankle, Tara's entire body was quivering. Her skin was red in some places where his beard rubbed, bruises forming on others, all covered in a light sheen of sweat. His head was between her thighs, he could see just how wet she was, licked his lips in anticipation. He waited, had to wait, until her eyes opened and moved to lock on his. And keeping his eyes open, he watched her as he ran his tongue slowly from the bottom of her slit to the top. Her hips jerked, he pressed her back down to the bed, held her there with one hand as he continued to use his mouth on her.

"Jax…God…Jax."

He loved when she said his name that way, only thing better is when she sighed it into his ear. Sliding two finger into her, Jax placed his mouth close to her clit, making sure his lips brushed it when he spoke. "I love this, Tara." Feeling her walls start to flutter, he curled his fingers inside of her, unerringly finding the place inside of her that would make her scream. "You taste so fucking good."

Tara's back arched off the bed, her teeth biting down hard on her bottom lip to keep from waking the boys. As always Jax's chest swelled with pride as he watched Tara ride out her orgasm. He loved what he could do to her, as far as he was concerned he was the only one who _could_ do this to her.

Moving back up her body, Jax slipped his arms under her shoulders, bracing himself as he eased into her. Their moans were lost in their kiss as he set a slow languid pace.

"I love you, Tara."

Tara's eyes opened, stayed that way as she lifted her head to kiss him again.

"I love you so much."

It was only when she framed his face in her hands, keeping his mouth close to hers, that Jax realized what she'd been doing.

"Tell me." He demanded as his hips began to press hard into hers. One of his hands gripped in her hair, tilting her head back to keep her from trying to bury her mouth against his neck. "Tell me."

The tears began to gather in her eyes, breaking his heart. Like him, she didn't want this to feel like the last time. And just as he had held back, so was she. Maybe she knew what he'd done, the things he wanted to say but couldn't, and gave him a pass. But he couldn't do the same. He needed to hear her say it. Needed the words like air.

"Goddamn it, Tara, tell me."

"I love you!" The words all but burst out of her, releasing the floodgates of her tears. "Oh, God, I love you so much."

"Shh," Jax soothed as he rested his forehead against hers. His hands left her hair only long enough to wipe away her tears. He gathered her up in his arms, pressing their bodies as close together as he could manage.

"Promise me, Jax."

He didn't ask her what she meant, knew the promise she was looking for. "I promise."

He'd swear it. They'd get through this. The upcoming separation was only temporary. He wouldn't lose them. They would be a family, a real family. No matter what he had to do to ensure it.


End file.
